Saturday, 24 November 2007

Responsibility and Bipolar Disorder

Being 22 I find myself in a huge dilemma between responsibility and irresponsibility. In the past I have felt that being irresponsible has given me time to think and do whatever I please. I have been a bit of a joyrider by pursuing activities on the internet and sleeping all day long. From now on I must separate work from pleasure and stop being a "bum". My psychosis was only a year and a half ago and I have finally decided that I must pursue more work that is either part-time or freelance. My mania is being controlled by the Seroquel but I do not feel that I am ready to work full-time.

Sometimes when I am at home I feel as though the outside world wants to rip me apart. Of course I love being at home. Hence I feel that I should pursue a part-time or freelance job. When I work for only a couple of hours a day, I'm sure I will be happy. When one earns enough money he/she feels much happier and it's not only the money. When we put effort into creating something or being a part of something, we feel much better. I have learned that I must build a future for myself because otherwise I will stay unemployed for my entire life. I am very much afraid that I am not moving forward and I have to do something. In my case I don't have the money to study a course or study an additional degree etc. so I don't have the means to develop myself. I have to learn how to become used to business life. In the paragraph above I called myself a "bum" because until now I have simply looked for excuses not to work. So instead of complaining about the burdens of responsibility, I have decided to take matters into my own hands and start building up my CV. It was very difficult for me to reach this decision but this article by Madeline Kelly helped me very much in deciding upon this critical issue. A company has already made me an offer. I hope to work for them sooner rather than later.

I found out quite a lot about the company I want to work for and I have heard that they are decent fellows which means that I will be happy working for them even it is a freelance or part-time job. I still feel that this crisis has really shaken me up and I am just recovering so I shouldn't pursue something too demanding. I feel that if I build my career steadily and with as few tragedies as possible, I will be okay. There will probably be a few bumps on the way but I am happy that I can rely on my therapist. As Kelly states "Each time (there are tragedies) you dust yourself off, you add to your knowledge, stamina and wisdom." With this illness we have to be as logical as we possibly can.

Overall I feel that I should search for a part-time or freelance job so that I can build myself slowly. I am living with my family so I think I am much luckier than most. Kelly's article can give us all some good pointers. We all need to learn how to cope with responsibility and we must try to keep positive. It's easier said than done but we all need to 'look on the bright side of life' no matter what or how much pain we endure.


Leonel said...

Me parece un blog muy interesante puews yo soy bipolar, lamentablemente no sé escribir el inglés y tampoco sé si ustedes entenderán esto...

Kramer said...

@leonel munoz tigre

I think you were saying this:

Puews seems to me blog very interesting I I am bipolar, lamentably I do not know to write the English and I do not know either if you will understand this

Thank you for your comment. I dont know Spanish very well but I just translated in Babel translator.

ilker said...

That seems correct. Only there is a typo at "puews" and he meant "because" (correct is pues).

So, he said:

"Seems to me this blog is very interesting because I'm bipolar..."

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